Melanie McDonagh | The Spectator columnists & writers

Nowhere in this extraordinary prison memoir do we find out why Fatos Lubonja was sentenced to imprisonment in Spaç, the Albanian jail where some inmates worked the copper mines. He’s written about it elsewhere. His first seven years there were for ‘agitation and propaganda’, after police found his diaries, with criticisms of the Albanian tyrant Enver Hoxha, in his uncle’s attic. While he was in prison he was re-sentenced to a further 25 years for involvement in a counter-revolutionary organisation. The dictator didn’t last as long as that. Fatos served 17 years, partly in Spaç, partly in other camps. It wasn’t difficult to get on the wrong side of the paranoid Hoxha. One man, Zef, was incarcerated because he made the mistake of wearing a derby hat in Tirana at a time when the dictator favoured this article; when Hoxha saw him, he decided that the hat wearer thought he was losing power.

Why Albanians come to Britain

A friend of mine works in a surgery in London where lots of asylum seekers go for treatment. The caseload is a snapshot of current trends in illegal immigration, and at present that means lots of Albanians. Yep, that’s the migrant influx across the Channel we’ve been hearing so much about, and which the Albanian PM, Edi Rama, has been blaming on the British government: 'It's not about Albanians or aliens or gangsters, but it's about failed policies on borders and on crime,' he said this week. Three cases give an idea of what’s going on. One patient was a nurse from Tirana, Albania's capital, but had found it impossible on a nurse’s wage to buy somewhere to live. She’s also rather a plain girl and her marriage prospects were slim.

Spectator Out Loud

Jacob Rees-Mogg, Julian Jessop and Melanie McDonagh

16 min listen

Spectator Out Loud

Jacob Rees-Mogg, Julian Jessop and Melanie McDonagh

16 min listen

On this week's podcast: former Business Secretary Jacob Rees-Mogg tells us why it's good to back on the back benches (01:00), Julian Jessop reflects on his part in Liz Truss's downfall (06:41), and Melanie McDonagh reads her Notes on... candles (12:57). Produced and presented by Oscar Edmondson.

How to make your candles last longer

Under the sink. That’s where most of us will be keeping a stash of candles in case the lights go out this winter on account of an erratic electricity supply. There’s nothing worse than finding yourself in darkness and not remembering where you’ve left the candles and the matches. Be prepared. We’ve got out of the habit of using candles except for dinner parties, so we’ve lost touch with our inner chandler. Not many children go to sleep looking at night (tea) lights because they’re afraid of the dark. So I sought out the founder of Candle Maker Supplies off the Shepherd’s Bush Road in London, David Constable, who remembers the 1970s when blackouts meant everyone using candles. His tip: chill your candles before using them; that way, they last longer.

Spectator Out Loud

Melanie McDonagh, Katy Balls and Nigel Richardson

15 min listen

Spectator Out Loud

Melanie McDonagh, Katy Balls and Nigel Richardson

15 min listen

This week on Spectator Out Loud: after the sad passing of our longest reigning monarch, the great Queen Elizabeth II, Melanie McDonagh reads her poignant piece on how Britain, as a nation, will be lesser without her (01:09). Then, turning to politics, Katy Balls gives us an update on how Liz Truss is shaking up Number 10 (05:18) before Nigel Richardson, author of the new book The Accidental Detectorist, tells us about his new hobby, metal detecting (10:55). Produced and presented by Oscar Edmondson

Britain will be a lesser nation without the Queen

The loneliest thing about being as long-lived as the Queen, at 96, is that you have few or no contemporaries. Few people reach her age; indeed, not that many people remember the time before she became Queen in 1952, 70 years ago. She has been, simply by living for as long as she did, the one element of continuity in the life of the nation. In the 70 years of her reign everything changed – Britain just isn’t the country it was then, for better and worse – but the Queen was a constant. Her presence in parliament, at great events, on the BBC on Christmas Day – even on our stamps and currency – gave Britain an extraordinary psychological stability during a period of upheaval. She was, in her contained and dignified way, a carapace over the nation, an unseen and taken-for-granted, protective presence.

The problem with Liz Truss

Was it just me or was Liz Truss actually smirking during her statement outside Downing Street, the one littered with cliches about spades in the ground and wince-making turns of phrase like ‘aspiration nation’? Another two years of this PM talking about being ‘determined to deliver’ (deliver what, Liz?) is going to be really hard going. Just listen to her. Look at her. Is this really the best that we can get from a country of 67 million people? Liz Truss? Can even the most blinkered Conservative find any actual eloquence or charm of manner; or sincerity in the fashion of Theresa May, charisma like Tony Blair, or humour in the way of Boris Johnson, or conviction like Gordon Brown’s, rather than the hard delivery, in her flat, unmodulated accent, that is designed to convey conviction? What is there about the woman that made them fall for her, those Tory members and MPs, other than the single redeeming circumstance that she’s not Penny Mordaunt? An effective communicator like Nicola Sturgeon? Nope.

Jeremy Clarkson should be the next host of University Challenge

The bad news of the week is that Jeremy Paxman is retiring from University Challenge. The worse is that most of those lined up to succeed him are nothing like as good. University Challenge is a quiz show that JP has very much made his own: the curled lip, the incredulity at culpable ignorance, the reluctant admiration when a team really does know its stuff... it’s all part of the Paxman persona. At least on air it is: I do know one acquaintance of his who declares that for Jeremy Paxman to sparkle in private life, he really needs a camera permanently trained on him, to give the illusion that he’s actually on air. Some of the contenders who are in the running – or at least being talked about – to be his successors are fine.

Children are the big losers from the decline of marriage

Funny, isn’t it, the way people bandy the word 'bastard' nowadays, without any notion that it pertains to the condition of being born outside marriage? It says lots about how illegitimacy was once regarded that its descriptive noun is now simply a bad word. And yet most children who were born last year are what we’d once have called illegitimate; the Office for National Statistics finds that 51.3 per cent were born to mothers who were neither married nor in a civil partnership. It’s the first time this has happened since records began, in 1845. The most troubling aspect about it is that we’re really not troubled. Time was, this situation would have raised uproar in the press. Politicians would have sounded off.

Could Russia stoke conflict between Serbia and Kosovo?

The prime minister of Kosovo has been talking about a possible war in the country, with Russia as the instigator. In an interview with La Repubblica, Albin Kurti said: 'The risk of a new conflict between Kosovo and Serbia is high. I would be irresponsible to say otherwise, especially since the world has seen what Russia has done to Ukraine. We are a democracy bordering on an autocracy, after all. Before the invasion of Ukraine, the opportunities were few, now the situation has changed. 'The first episode, a consequence of the Kremlin’s fascist idea of Pan-Slavism, was Ukraine. If we have a second episode, for example in Transnistria, then the chances that a third war will take place in the Western Balkans, in particular in Kosovo, will be very high.

What’s the matter with Disney?

If there’s one thing that gives a bad name to gender stereotyping it’s the Disney princess: a combination of hideous synthetic fabric and a noisomely winsome concept. And yet the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutiques at Disney Parks are popular with families as a place where their offspring can get dressed and styled as their favourite Disney characters, i.e. princesses or, in the case of a smaller number, knights. Now, the Streaming the Magic blog – which posts on Disney Parks – reports that: Disney will continue their efforts at being more inclusive with all guests & cast members by renaming the Boutique cast members to ‘Fairy Godmother’s Apprentices’ rather than ‘Fairy Godmothers in training’. This way cast members that might not identify as female can still be part of the process to dress up & style the children without having to refer to themselves as a female Disney character.

Spectator Out Loud

Mary Wakefield, Leo McKinstry and Melanie McDonagh

17 min listen

Spectator Out Loud

Mary Wakefield, Leo McKinstry and Melanie McDonagh

17 min listen

On this week's episode: Leo McKinstry on the worrying rise of apostrophe laws (0:31). Mary Wakefield on why we should resist Stonewall’s gospel (07:02) and Melanie McDonagh on the lost art of letterheads (13.33).Presented and produced by Natasha Feroze.

The lost art of letterheads

One of the pleasures of the letters from unhappy ministers to the Prime Minister last week (though not, presumably, for the recipient) was the assortment of letterheads from Whitehall departments we saw in the papers. One was from Nadhim Zahawi, on HM Treasury writing paper. It’s a fair bet that most of Mr Z’s communication these days is by email or text or WhatsApp. Yet when it came to calling for Boris Johnson to resign, nothing would do but a letter with the Treasury insignia to indicate that the writer was staying where he was. There are so few opportunities nowadays to show off a letterhead that they have become a special medium. In a charity shop the other day I bought up some blank correspondence cards from a gentleman called Sir John Cecil-Williams of Hampstead Heath, simply for the pleasure of the formal type and layout.

What’s the truth about the Telford grooming gangs?

Why I threw out my Ottolenghi cookbooks

Nothing beats a spot of decluttering - throwing things out of your wardrobe that you don’t use or need to see what you have and make space for things you do need. I am useless at it when it comes to clothes and other clutter, but cookbooks are another matter. I review cookbooks; I probably had about 150 of them, some of which have been used for just one recipe. When it came to the point when they were falling off the shelves – and they’re hefty, being mostly hardback – I had to let some go.So, which ones justified the shelf space? Most of my cookbooks don’t get used in their entirety. I make for two or three familiar and reliable recipes, and use them again and again. Some I keep out of regard for the author-cook, Elizabeth David chiefly, but also the venerable Edouard de Pomiane (Cooking in Ten Minutes).

In defence of Danny Kruger

It’s symptomatic of the unhinged nature of the abortion debate that an MP can be heckled in parliament – and lynched online – for stating an obvious if embarrassing reality. Such is the lot of Danny Kruger, who had the further accolade of a kicking from JK Rowling. On the Roe v. Wade question, which frankly is no business of Westminster, Kruger observed that his colleagues – including Conservatives, mark you – 'think that women have an absolute right to bodily autonomy in this matter, whereas I think in the case of abortion that right is qualified by the fact that another body is involved'. 'I would offer to members who are trying to talk me down that this is a proper topic for political debate. And my point to the frontbench is I don't understand why we are lecturing the United States on a judgment to return the power of decision over this political question to the states, to democratic decision-makers, rather than leaving it in the hands of the courts.

A mess: British Museum’s Feminine Power – the Divine to the Demonic reviewed

The point at which the heart sinks in this exhibition is, unfortunately, right at the outset. That’s where we meet the five commentators that the British Museum has invited to respond to the objects and ideas in the exhibition. But only Mary Beard knows her subject. There’s Bonnie Greer, playwright and critic; Elizabeth Day, podcaster and novelist; Rabia Siddique, humanitarian (that’s a calling, it seems) and barrister; and Deborah Frances-White, podcaster and stand-up comedian. Each presides over part of the exhibition, which is ordered by categories such as Passion and Desire and Magic and Malice. It’s an odd exercise. I’m not entirely sure whether Frances-White, for instance, brings much to the party: ‘I’m a feminist but some mornings I’m feeling divine, other mornings I feel demonic.

Nancy Pelosi’s communion whine

The Eucharist has, to use the current jargon, been weaponised in the standoff between Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the US House of Representatives, and Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone of San Francisco. He has banned her from receiving holy communion anywhere in his diocese because of her outspoken support for abortion. She’s been sounding off for Roe v Wade after the leaked Supreme Court draft judgment suggesting it may be reversed. Now, on a talk show, she’s counterattacked. When asked about her ban, she observed: 'I wonder about the death penalty, which I am opposed to. So is the church but they take no action against people who may not share their view.' The Archbishop said that she was not to come to the altar during mass for communion because her abortion views have become 'more extreme' and 'more aggressive.

Enjoyably plummy and male: Battleground – The Falklands War podcast reviewed

The Battleground podcast on the wars of the 20th century, said presenter Saul David happily, ‘will have lots of bombs and bullets but we’re also interested in other aspects of conflict: social, political and cultural’. He’s a military historian. His co-presenter, Patrick Bishop, went on: ‘Alongside the personalities, the battles and the technology – and there will be plenty of that, we promise – expect to hear some thought-provoking stuff that puts conflict into its wider context.’ He is a veteran foreign correspondent who has written lots of war books; I first met him in Kosovo. The opening series is on the Falklands War, partly because we’ve just had the 40th anniversary, and partly because Patrick Bishop, back then a youngish reporter on the Observer, persuaded his boss to send him off to join the task force on the Canberra, a converted cruise ship, where he and other hacks had the closest possible view of events, plus the benefit of decent chefs.

Roe v. Wade and Britain’s non-existent abortion debate

Judge Samuel Alito was incontrovertibly right about one thing in his leaked, draft ruling on Roe v. Wade: ‘Abortion presents a profound moral issue on which Americans hold sharply conflicting views.’ Well yes. So we’ve seen with the reaction to the leak – which really is unprecedented. We are reminded that the original Roe v. Wade decision itself was leaked in 1973, but that was just a few hours before publication. A leak at this stage, of a draft opinion which could yet be revised, can only have had one intention: to bring intense pressure to bear on the Supreme Court members who supported the draft to reverse their decision. The reaction from Hillary Clinton, Elizabeth Warren and Planned Parenthood et al in the US has been predictable.

The surprising middle-class gadget that cuts energy bills

If there’s one company that’s a kind of stock market indicator of the condition of the British middle classes, it’s Lakeland. It specialises in very good household stuff – cleaning and cookware and any number of ingenious gadgets (the catalogues are, I have to say, addictive) – and it has an uncanny knack of registering where popular tastes are going. Its annual Trends report is seized on as an indicator of what normal families are up to, and so it’s proved, on everything from passing trends like the spiraliser (courgette pasta, anyone?) to the inexorable move to recyclables. So, what’s the Lakeland index suggesting now about the British consumer? She and he are trying to do something about the bills, chiefly the energy bills.

The best films about faith to watch this Easter

The best religious films aren’t always the obvious ones, featuring either clerics or bible stories (though there are some good movies of both kinds – and an awful lot of terrible ones). Rather, some of the best capture Christianity sideways, expressing the numinous or the fundamentals of faith through a human story or through a portrait of a way of life. This being Holy Week, when we’re right in the middle of The Greatest Story Ever Told (one to watch), it’s a good time to explore how film reflects religion, straight or infused.The Passion of the Christ, Mel Gibson, 2004 It’s hard to imagine how even Mel Gibson got away with a film not just not in English, but in Hebrew, Aramaic and Latin. It was controversial on the basis that it was a) very violent and b) anti-Semitic, though we should remember the events of the Passion were appallingly violent and all the protagonists bar the Romans were themselves Jewish, including Christ.

What Madeleine Albright got right – and wrong – on Kosovo

Unsurprisingly, it’s Kosovo where Madeleine Albright, former US Secretary of State, is remembered with particular gratitude: today there’s an official day of mourning for her there. Why? Because without Albright, there might well not be an independent Kosovo. It was she who unequivocally backed the bombing of Serbia that brought an end to the Serbian ethnic cleansing in Kosovo and ultimately led to Kosovo breaking away from what was left of Yugoslavia. Left to himself, Bill Clinton wouldn’t have done it. Albright had both a knowledge of the region – she spoke perfect Serbian, a product of her time in Belgrade as a child – and a visceral antipathy to Slobodan Milosevic. And she had no fear. But having acknowledged her courage in addressing the last, formidable element of the breakup of Yugoslavia in Kosovo – showing far greater moral clarity than her predecessors did in Bosnia – it must also be acknowledged that she got one thing wrong.

How Mother’s Day became big business

As ever, the Romans got there first. Their version of Mothering Sunday or Mother’s Day was the feast of Juno Lucina, the patroness of childbirth, which happened on the first day of the year, 1 March. Roman mothers wore their hair down and their tunics loose. Their husbands and daughters gave them gifts. It was also one of the few days when slaves got time off and were, for once, waited on. Obvious parallels, then. Fast forward 1,500 years, and Mothering Sunday is a thing, but the origins aren’t entirely clear. Was it connected with the medieval custom whereby parish churches sent parishioners to their mother church or cathedral? Maybe: certainly by the 17th century the fourth Sunday in Lent (when the reading in church was ‘Jerusalem Mater Omnium’ – Jerusalem, mother of all) was when servant girls would return to their homes and their mother church and visit their own mothers.

The dos and don’ts of Mother’s Day gifts

Mother’s Day (more properly, Mothering Sunday) is an occasion when it really is the thought that counts. You can give your mother a bunch of daffodils and a home-made card, and tea in bed if you live at home, and, unless your mother is Cruella de Vil, it’ll make her day. When I was a child I used to rob the daffodils from people’s gardens in the country. Now, at a pound a bunch, you really don’t have to. Just buy lots … they look fabulous in quantity. But if you are going to spend money – and it’s not obligatory - then you may as well get something good that she’ll actually like. I’m getting tetchy at the retail sexism out there. If you believe the advertising, the gist is, to make mothers happy, you need something pink, something floral, with a bubbly beverage.

Banning foie gras and fur was never really about animal suffering

Well, too bad Carrie and Zac. It looks like the government is going to drop its commitment to banning imports of foie gras and fur. A combination of Jacob Rees-Mogg objecting to the foie gras ban on the grounds of consumer choice and Ben Wallace, Defence Minister, agitating for the Guards to continue to have their bearskin hats, seems to have seen that off. Issues such as these are interesting in that they combine otherwise incompatible groups and individuals in opposition. In Tory terms, the kind of people who campaign about foie gras and fur tend to be posh Tories – it was no accident that Zac Goldsmith first promised the ban – who regard animal welfare issues as part of their stewardship of the environment, which in turn derives from land ownership.

Raymond Blanc is right about convenience food

Hooray for Raymond Blanc for stating the absolutely obvious. He’s got an ITV series coming up, which, if I had a television, I’d be watching compulsively, called Simply Raymond Blanc. He’s an instinctively brilliant, self-taught chef, who really was a game changer on the Eighties restaurant and cookbook scene. And in an interview for the Radio Times he declared that Delia Smith was absolutely right to make use of convenience food in her most controversial cookbook, including frozen mashed potatoes. As he observed, ‘Delia Smith was the first TV chef to really simplify food. She was heavily criticised for using tinned and frozen food in her recipes, but she was absolutely right. ‘Take the frozen pea. First, it’s delicious – all the nutrients are trapped in.

The Pope is right: it is selfish to choose pets over children

Well, we’ve been terrifically amused and amusing at the expense of Pope Francis, who this week declared at a Vatican audience that: ‘Many couples do not have children because they don’t want them, or have just one because they don’t want any more, but have two dogs, two cats… oh yes, dogs and cats take the place of children.’ It was, he said, proof of a ‘certain selfishness… it makes us laugh but it’s true. Renouncing parenthood diminishes us. It takes away our humanity.’ This was inevitably cue for British commentators to weigh up the merits of cats and dogs versus children, and for some to pronounce in favour of the cats. And the obvious point was duly observed, that Pope Francis, as a celibate, had himself renounced parenthood (though for rather different reasons).

The churches must stay open

Hooray for Cardinal Vincent Nichols, who used the one day of the year when his pronouncements are amplified by the season to 'sincerely appeal that [the government] do not again consider closing churches and places of worship.' He said in a BBC interview he believed it had been demonstrated that the airiness of churches meant they are 'not places where we spread the virus'. This is, of course, entirely sensible. It was nuts for churches to close at the start of lockdown, at least as spaces for prayer if not for communal worship. Pretty well any church is 'Covid-safe', in that there’s lots of room for people to spread themselves out. Just before they were closed I recall seeing just one man in our church for hours on end, silent before the altar; he was no conceivable risk to anyone.

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